My Loathsome Lover
by Aseru
Summary: semiAU, YAOI. "Well, he was already knee deep in self-loathing, just cake on a few more layers and get on with life- no?" Not-Your-Usual-Yullen. Mature, for future content. Dark!Allen, with my kind of twist. I Don't Own -Man.
1. Wallow With Me?

_Yo_- Aseru here.  
And you've just clicked on my first D. Gray -Man multi-chapter piece! I'm kinda excited- Kinda thinking that no one will like it. This is a modern time, part-AU, type-_thingy_. There are Noah; there are Exorcists- There Is Innocence. (Dramatic Music Climaxes.)  
Eh, _right_. But more importantly…  
I want you to read this and meet me at the bottom- 'Kay! Really Short Prologue- Go!

* * *

_**My Loathsome Lover:  
**__**Prologue;  
**__Wallow with Me?_

He had woken up alone, again, this morning. Inside, he hated himself for it. Hated himself every time he walked away- snuck out of the room soon after the other had fallen asleep. Hated himself every time that he lied to either of them and said it would be the last time. He knew it wouldn't be- _every time_.

But, after six times now, Allen wouldn't even try to lie- to himself or anyone else- and say it wasn't bothering him. It _always_ bothered him- had and will. And even if Yuu Kanda was the type of person to be angsty, or even affected, by something like this, like _them_- he wondered why he still allowed it, knowing Allen would be gone every morning. By the subtle angry/hurt looks he'd received the last two '_morning after_'s it was bothering Kanda as well. But maybe it just wasn't in Kanda's person to make a scene, once again, about _them_.

Then again, maybe he was just thinking about it too hard.

Kanda wanted to fuck him- or be fucked by him, which ever course the evening at hand took- and he got to, whenever the situation was yielding. Their friends, and some family, mingled into each other. But, still when in public- or when not with the full intention- they were well crafted strangers to each other.

When outside their intent, it didn't matter that Allen knew how to make Kanda moan, or that Kanda could make him _want_ with a simple glance- when not within those moments they pretended _them_ didn't exist. Pretended that nothing happened between just them- and Allen made sure it would stay that way, by leaving every morning before the sun could even bare witness to what _really_ existed between them.

And he hated himself for it.

And now, as his cell phone vibrated on his bed next to his pillow, wanting him to wake up and face his failures, he looked at it- and Allen mentally prepared himself to return to _pretending_.

_Well, he was already knee deep in self-loathing, just cake on a few more layers and get on with life- no?_

O0O  
(^ That's my break sign for future reference ^)

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So. I bet you would like to know why Allen's so emo here, right? Luckily for you, I'm probably going to be posting this at the same time as Chapter One. (Smiles)  
One thing I would like to point out, that will be expanded on in Chapter One- in this story, Allen does not have white hair, or a cursed eye, or a _disfigured_ left hand…  
That any body of consequence will know about.  
Pondering it? When depicted as a child in the manga he's a brunette- in this story he will be a brunette. Why? I'm not gonna tell ya! … At least not point-blank. Read it! Review it(, and Ponder with me?)!  
Later, _Aseru_.


	2. Ethics of Push and Pull

_Yo_- Aseru, again.  
Chapter one of the first… Still kinda terrified, possibly excited. Don't hate it, 'kay?  
See you at the bottom.

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_**My Loathsome Lover:  
**__**Chap. 1;  
**__Ethics of Push and Pull_

It was another one of those days where he wished someone would just give him a huge hug and never let go.

When Allen arrived on campus, with his usual flashy entrance, it took nearly ten minutes for him to shake that first, half-hurt look Kanda had flashed him across the quad before immediately looking away. It stung- _quite a bit_.

People no longer ogled him in the halls- Allen didn't care. The short pleated skirts usually got more double takes than the cling-wrap tight pants. But even those were getting few and far between now. If they hadn't been looking from the start, they weren't looking now. But Allen would admit, short skirts on a crotch-rocket _were_ slightly dangerous. Unless you didn't mind people looking at all your junk. Allen, though, was far passed caring about something like that. The short skirts or tight pants, with the long sleeved shirts that clung even better made sure everyone was looking. Knee high combat boots and bangles out-the-ass decked on his wrists- _every_one looked. Only Kanda though made a point to look away.

He hated throwing those mixed signals- did he say that yet?

Slipping into the bathroom, having seen the other man walk in before him and knowing no one else was inside with a glance, Allen made sure to snap the bathroom deadbolt in place softly, before padding quietly into the room. Kanda stood at the sink, splashing water on his face, his eyes were unfocused as he looked back at him.

"What," he snapped immediately, making Allen flinch internally, then gracefully snatching a paper towel from the dispenser. He hated Kanda's wrath above all other's. It was the one that put him in the most danger when near- because Allen already knew that he'd give Kanda anything he wished. Even if it was his face in a bloody wreck.

But Allen didn't reply to those harsh words. He simply watched at the other in the mirror, as he didn't turn to face him. And then his eyes shifted to his own person, the eyes he knew Kanda had never seen starring back at him. The stark difference in the hair color of his reflection and the pieces he could see falling over his differently colored eye. The long jagged scar though his left eye that- again- he knew Kanda didn't see. The stigmata, the gray skin- none of it. Even that clawed left hand- Kanda could see none right now. Allen made sure of it every morning.

To Kanda's eyes, right now, Allen Walker was a short brunette with slight tanned skin and deep gray eyes. Because that's who Allen Walker used to be. The _real_ Allen Walker, if there right then- would have been the same height and build, with pure white hair, dead gray skin, piss yellow eyes and a disfigured left hand and a cursed left eye that would seek his soul out to view and play with. Because the _real_ Allen Walker- is no longer _Allen Walker_.

But, for whatever it was worth, he missed him.

If The Musician could take the time, he would apologize to Allen Walker, the son of his previous vessel- his now host. And even in his head right now, he could hear the boy laughing at him. Allen had allowed him into his mind- to take back and take revenge on what they both wanted. But, somewhere along the way they had met this person now in front of them. Yuu Kanda- the exorcist wielding the eight-second piece of innocent, a sword that he called Mugen. They both had been drawn to this person. Allen's curiosity, and The Musician's sick interest in his innocence.

Kanda had allowed them in, over time. But once in things got… _sticky_, and please pardon the pun. They had both learned that The Musician liked the physical stimulation. It quiet obviously excited him- made their body crave. But by that point, they knew he was an exorcist- and accidentally killing him would have been _bad_. Not that Allen would have liked it if it had been _good_ or _bad_- Allen was not a killer like The Musician. And worse, Allen seemed to genuinely like this boy. It put The Musician in an awkward place.

_He's a problem- I want to protect him_. These were his conflicting thoughts, that were always portrayed in different voices in his head.

"You mad," was what Allen finally settled to ask, still meeting Kanda's cobalt gaze with ease, though it made his insides clench tightly. Kanda quickly scoffed in way of response, but then after a moment where nothing more was said- where they waited- Kanda eventually shook his head.

"Even if I am, I would have no reason to be," his replies his cobalt eyes digging to Allen's again. "You've made that more than clear." And then his words turned to mumbles that only he was supposed to hear. _At least you half the time you have_. Allen's eyes narrowed for a second, as Kanda spoke to the skin basin. "But don't worry about it," he added, intending this for Allen- speaking louder for him to hear, "I've learned my lesson." And he sighed as he stands up to his full height again, "I'll leave you to your's." And then, snapping the paper towel into the garbage can on his way out, Allen could hear the deadbolt click back, and then the hydraulic slide of the door closing again.

Now alone in the large, public bathroom, Allen could feel that ridiculously large smile he had inherited slid over his lips, splitting them into a face splitting grin even as a few tears made tracks down his cheek.

"_It's for the best, Allen_," he heard himself saying.

"But I need to protect him- I _need_ him," he pushed back.

"_He's better protected away from us right now, boy_." Inwardly he could feel both his halves agreeing- no matter how much it hurt.

O0O

...

"Music-tan," the high pitched, glee filled greeting reached him as he slide into the large dining room. In response, gray lips slid into a small grin. Dreams was smiling back at him, halfway around the table from where his vacant chair sat- directly across his bane.

A deep laugh greeted him as he slid into his seat, between the decadently dressed Mightra to his left, and the scantily clad Lustul to his right. "Dreams, _darling_, Music is a _man_. You should use the correct _male_ suffix," the dark skinned man, in the second seat to the right of the figure to the extreme opposite end of the table. Allen didn't reply beyond the small quirk in his smile. Desires, the speaker, was instantly eyeing him warily- as were over half of the other thirteen people seated at the long, slightly bowed table.

Dreams the small girl seated on the opposite side of Lustul, eventually turned her eyes to stare at the grain of the wood, as Allen watched the portly man to the opposite end of the table stuff his face, _turkey wing after turkey wing_. He hated this man- as this one, _singular_ being had more than ruined his life, and was in the process of trying to do it again.

"Earl," he called, forcing his lips up into a inwardly tight- outwardly inviting smile. The kind of smile that if you slide too far into, could devour you in a second. The portly man immediately paused in his eating and looked up, as if just realizing he had arrived. He was instantly chuckling.

"So you're here, 14th," Allen attempted to not twitch, "So good to know." _It was nearly a threat_. Then, the man moved to finish his final leg of bird before two maid quickly swooped in and pulled the now finished plates away. If they hadn't Allen was sure he would have tried to eat the bones- _that was all he deserved really_. "Well then," the now stuffed, portly man began, as other maids moved in to take away the untouched dining wear from in front of each other the other places present. And leaning forward on his elbows, fingers weaving together in front of him, the Earl smiled.

"Good evening, my family," he addressed them finally.

"Good evening, Earl," they all replied automatically, even Allen- even if only because if he didn't, none of them would. And then as the man moved around the table asking a few how their days had been, Allen found himself fighting off a sigh. And, with hands still tucked into his pockets Allen slid down in his seat a bit, turned his chair and propped his feet up on the now void table- making sure each heel thumped appropriately.

It was a show of defiance. The Earl knew that, as he instantly stopped talking. Among the persons lining the table, eight faces flashed with freakish smiled- and thankfully for Allen they were eight of the more powerful ones. As his face turned up in own slightly smaller grin, Allen did sigh. "How was _your_ day, Earl?" Another act of defiance, the Earl was still trying to speak to Corrosion before his interruption. The portly bastard didn't reply for a moment, but then his smiled was pulled even further.

"Oh," the Earl giggled, recomposing himself, "It was _wonderful_." Allen was inwardly fuming. "Played with a few exorcists _myself_ actually." And there it was again, the _nearly_ threats. He was trying to point out he was in control- to make sure they knew he was still mobile, moving, acting on his own plans even if the Noah were purposefully being slow. And Allen wanted to hurt him for those _nearly_ threats, every _last little one_ of them.

And the exorcists? _Stupid man, you need to stay in your cage_, was what Allen wanted to tell the Earl.

But it would do no good.

Without a head, the Noah's had no purpose- a headless chickens if you would. But, this was nearly over now- Allen was nearly sure they would have a new head soon. _He'd stitch it on himself if he had too_.

"That must have been delightful," Dreams giggled in reply- playing he part well. Because even seated between Lustul and the large, imposing Wrath, Dreams' small figured host still screamed control. Dreams was the vice-president if you would, of their headless chicken.

Over a few minutes of bickering and nearly threats, the table quieted again. "Oh, Musician-chan," Allen wanted to scalp his bald had, "I was wanting to know how our little targets were doing?" That sickeningly sweet voice made him want to hurl, _violently_. But instead, he forced another small smile.

"Well," he replies, after a small, normal seeming pause, "He's doing well. I don't believe he suspects me being so close- or even being me. His routines haven't varied at all since I've begun to watch him." The Earl seemed pleased with this knowledge.

"Good, good," he taunts back, flicking a crumb around on the table top. "Please do continue with your excellent work. Karma-kun will play a large part in our theater." Allen forced himself to nod.

O0O

...

"That man is vile," Rhode whined immediately, just as they exited the her door, inconspicuously heading toward campus. Allen's pale lips had to turned up in a smile. Looking back at her slightly, Rhode met his smile with her own. He would admit that, like this, looking human again, Rhode was adorable. Vibrant hair sticking out at odd angles that still seemed stylish, pale lips coated with a pink gloss and thin eyes accented with light eyeliner and slightly darker pink shadow. The small white sun dress seemed more subtle as opposed to on her gray skin.

She seemed to think he looked different too. As her eyes trailed over his tight gray skinny jeans, tight white linen shirt with shoulder high white and black arm socks that hooked on his thumbs. Two red jelly bands on each wrist and black converse with red laces to accent the outfit, along with the red, cat collar chocker. His brunette hair pulled back in twisted rows against his scalp and subtle eyeliner to make his steel-colored eyes pop.

Tyki, standing just behind her, was watching him too. But the taller man didn't look much different than usual. White button up and comfortable black jeans, large round glasses and his shaggy black hair pulled back in a half-knot. And of course, his after-dinner cigarette perched on his plain, pale lips.

But Wisely, slouching in back, seemed the most different. He had retied his exceptionally long black and white striped bandanna again, angling it over his forehead so that it made his light chestnut hair fall in his face, completely hiding his right hazel eye from sight. His tanned- not gray- skin tone seemed much tamer against his brown hair. The gray v-neck shirt he wore, with five large black diamonds across the chest was accented with black leather bands around his wrist just before they disappeared into his pockets to hide his painted-black nails from sight. Loose stonewashed jeans with brown construction boots poking out from under the hems were also Wisely's normal. Along with the disinterested, unbothered look in his eyes.

But the fact that the four were together was not normal. The Earl had given them suggestions- or well hidden orders- that he thought they were moving a bit slow, and if they worked together it was likely things would move faster. With their four quirks together, they could finish this much faster, he had said. And it was true, with Timcampy- Allen's golem- Tyki's Tease- his butterfly golems- Rhode's doors, and Wisely's eyes, it would go much faster… If he wanted it too.

And he'd already decided it would. Just not the way the Earl was planning for it too.

And stopping abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk, just outside campus, he decided his own direction. Because standing in the middle of the quad, in a rag-tag group of eight friend, three of which were adoptive brother.

"As of now," Allen tells the three behind him, and they all recognize the no-nonsense tone in his voice and are instantly alert to what he's telling them and where he's looking. "I will assign you three individuals in this group." Three other pairs of eyes are now watching them. "Keep them in your sights a much s possible. Disregard the Earls _requests_ when not looking at him- when, do you act well. Otherwise, protect them- with your lives if necessary. I will not give you permission to awaken fully right now, but if the situation turns dire I may forgive you."

This last sentence now had them concerned.

"You expect us to fight our own," Tyki asks blandly.

"_Our own_ would ask before attacking. But as it stands right now, I believe several of us are fully under the Earl's thumb." They all watched as Allen's face hardens. "I don't want to fight my family, but in this instance I will. No harm can come to these people. We need their trust right now- more than anything."

"And the other exorcist," Rhode asks, "Outside of these eight. What do we do if they begin poking around?"

"Win them if possible," he replies with no hesitation, "We will eventually need all the help we can get." And then he pauses, waiting to see if there were any more questions. When none came after a moment though, he continued. "The older male, and shorter one with the ponytail are of little concern to me right now. Along with the brunette female." He pauses, dividing them in his head. "For now, Tyki, please watch the youngest and oldest siblings. Rhode please take care of Karma. Wisely, the remaining female. And I will watch the redhead- he's _my_ target." They seemed confused by this proclamation, but allowed it. "Rhode, be cautious, as Karma _is _the _Earl's_ target." Rhode nods once in understanding.

And then after a moment, Allen felt has lips turn up in a small smile. "I'm counting on you- all of you." He couldn't see them, but he knew the three behind him now wore similar smiled. "Let's get to work."

O0O

...

* * *

Yeah, it's pretty short. But maybe you're excited now- or disgusted..? (Eh, I'll try not to care if you're the latter.)  
But do we all understand the physical difference in the Allen of Origin, and the Allen I'm molding here? 'Cause- yeah, _no_- I don't own him.  
I don't even wish I did- too much pressure. I like the good ol' guessin' game! You know, where we all hover over Facebook/Twitter, waiting to get that announcement that, '_hey, it's up!_' And then read the thirty-or-so-pages and instantly want more… Yeah, _way_ too much pressure for me. Thanks- I'll leave that too the geniuses and artistically inclined. (Smiles) Sorry, I was babbling.  
Please Review, they keep me smiling. 0_0, or I could just cry.


	3. Too Deeep, Too Deep

Yo.  
Wow, it's finally working again...

So, this is chapter two.  
I hope you enjoy.

Riddle me this: What is the worst thing for a musician to lose?  
You'll know soon. (Smiles)

Onward!

**

* * *

**

_**My Loathsome Lover:  
**__**Chap. 2;  
**__Too Deep, Too Deep_

His apartment seemed oddly… _quiet_, at the moment. With the three closest to him out an about, doing their own work- the three who seemed to follow him everywhere- he was suddenly lonely. Though, being in the stubborn position he was, he'd never admit it.

Allen would never admit he missed the man who he had spent the last three weeks winning- and had suddenly given up on early yesterday morning. But either opposing voice in his head right now, could produce any number of oppositions as to why they should remain in the upright chair he had taken up since returning to his apartment last night.

But, he knew- and both sides would admit- he was in a state of indecisive limbo.

The cup of tea of the end table next to him was beyond cold now, having actually cooled several hours ago. But, as still as statue he remained, now, for hours. A fact that he only seemed to register as the door of his apartment opened slowly- key having jangled outside moments prior- and in walked Wisely- the fifth Noah, disciple of Wisdom.

Among them, Wisely's name was really the most obvious, and in precaution Allen had made sure to tell him to get an alias. He had chosen the William Edwards- the name of his fourth host, he added. Allen didn't care, as long as it wasn't _Wisely_- or anything as obvious.

"You haven't moved, have you?" And in response, the younger man realized he'd been staring, and, no- he hadn't moved.

"No," was the predictable response. Wisely then sighed, as he pushed the door closed again and clicked the deadbolt back. And then, shoulders slouching, face bored, Wisely moved across the room and perched himself on the edge of the couch with his hands tucked into his pockets and eyes focused on the rug.

Allen watched him carefully. He seemed to be deliberating, lips and tongue reaching out and pulling the ends of his hair into his mouth to amuse himself idly.

Among the Noah, Wisely would be one of the few people could confuse as blood relation to him- and usually that was how they'd play their past off. They both had the chestnut hair and slim frames. Tyki would always be Cyril's brother, being that it looked halfway believable- sometimes adopted though. Rhode had actually been adopted by the older Noah of Desires. Lulu and Skin, they found had an uncanny resemblance, and they'd made work to somehow push the twins in with them. Jasdero's blond hair helped, and you can't fight that the twins, are twins- so Devitto would go too. And then, the _concoction_ of their 'past' was done. Tyki had a habit of referring to the make up like a mixed drink- it sometimes concerned him.

"This little task you've given me," Wisely suddenly was announcing, his hazel eyes lifting to meet Allen's silver pools. "Is not going to be easy." He didn't nod, knowing that Wisely wasn't saying this to request admittance. Allen knew exactly what he was sending the older into when he assigned Wisely to Lenalee Lee's detail.

"I plan on adding Lulu to help you when they are able to join us." Wisely seemed… _bothered_ by that. "Unless you'd rather I didn't?" The opposing head of brown hair was then shaking, another tendril being pulling between his lips.

"No, no." He mutters, then his face split into a smile, and Allen was watching amusedly. "I simply find her intriguing," he chuckles, "To her friends and brother, Lenalee seems to be a modest person- an overly accepting person. But in her head, she's… _different_. She's a liar, a jerk and _angry_- over the silliest things I could imagine someone being angry." His smile suddenly softened as he continued, "Today it was the younger boy in Tyki's care, Kanda- I'm sure you know his name." _And many other things_, Allen admitted inwardly- Wisely didn't notice. "He was being the prude he seems to like being, and ignoring her. She got so angsty." Allen allowed himself to smirk, still saying nothing.

"But then, there's this Kanda character." Allen tried to not show too much interest. "They were together most of the day, along with the older brother and Karma-Kun." Wisely paused. "He seemed bothered by something, and his thoughts were all jumbled on top of each other. Karma seemed to notice, but he didn't say anything. Their connection is oddly… pungent." Allen agreed, having seen Kanda and Alma together many times and knowing very well that they were as close as the twins- practically conjoined. "Lenalee seemed to notice too," Wisely continues his voice now slow and precise as Allen looks up meet his gaze, noticing the attentive stare he was now receiving.

And in a matter of second- maybe two unchecked thoughts, Wisely knew. Immediately his face turned to stone and his eyes narrowed.

"What does that boy mean to you, Music," Wisely pressed then, his voice tauntingly dangerous. Allen had no need to respond as he felt his mind halfway lash out- either in defense or opposition- but it was enough. The mental images that unwillingly burst forward were solid enough to rebut any type of lie he would have wanted to make up. "Ah, Allen," Wisely sighed, his eyes falling and losing their threat. "I knew something was wrong with this picture… but that, was not what I expected."

"What did you expect then?" Allen couldn't contain the snip in his voce. "The… _past_, relationship I had with Kanda has nothing to with Karma or the Earl's schemes." Wisely's face was now somber, and Allen cursed the thought that would not be content containing themselves in the little jar of denial and self-loathing he had built for them. "I ended it- and it's _over_. Leave it at that Wisely. We have larger things to concern ourselves with now." And suddenly there was a miniscule grin on the fifth's face.

"I'll leave it be, Music,"' He responds with another sigh, "But perhaps you should challenge yourself on your placement of _leaving_ him." His suddenly vibrant yellow eyes were pinning Allen dangerously- probing him, he realized. "Because even though you say it's over, your mind disagrees. The Musician I knew before would never allow himself to deny something of this magnitude. Denial in a battle can, and usually will, lead to a reckless death." Wisely then pauses, allowing his words to roll around for a moment. "And I believe the same should be said to Yuu Kanda as well." And with a scoff, Allen agreed.

**O0O**

And the next few days drove on straying from the path of his usual routine. He attended classes, separated himself from the exorcists' clique, earning him a few wayward, questioning glances from across any given room. But from Kanda, he only received glares.

And finally, on the Monday after the family dinner, six days since, Lenalee seemed to have had enough. And while eating in the cafeteria as he usually did on Monday's, between two classes- he suddenly had an unexpected table guest.

"Did we do something," Lenalee pressed with no introduction. And for a moment Allen could only gape like a fish at her, his brain racing to switch from the amazing taco salad in front of him to what the girl opposite him was saying. And as he did, he smiled a bit- trying to be reassuring.

"No," he chuckled, "I don't know why you'd think that." Playing dumb was his suddenly an acquired tack. Lenalee frowned- her little lips turning out and her violet eyes gaping sadly.

"You've been ignoring us," She accused now, "And we don't know why." Allen took a moment to sigh, pointedly taking notice that she was wearing her usual pleated skirt and graphic tee while he had taken to dressing a bit more tame now- gray skinny jeans again and black tank top with a red and black plaid flannel over it.

He was stalling. Lenalee noticed.

"Please, Allen. Tell me?" And Allen could only sigh again.

"Look, I'm sorry," He began, meeting here eyes again and smiling a bit more forced. "Some family stuff has been going on and I've been busy trying to mediate." Lenalee at least had the decency too look remorseful then.

"Is everything alright," She pressed again, but as Allen sighed again, she continued. "You could have just told us- Lavi was thinking he actually did something. He was freaking out Saturday, about you avoiding us- among a lot of other things." Allen had to smile at that. _Oh, Saturday_.

Saturday Tyki had run across the Bookman apprentice and he'd later told Allen about it, every word it seemed. Interesting to know Lavi had 'freaked out' the same day from what Lenalee was saying. _He'd have to tell Joyd later_. Lavi was the only one in their small circle of friend who was openly gay- before they'd gathered Allen into their midst that was. But Allen had noticed Kanda, even if no one else seemed able to. He figured the dark-haired exorcist probably paid more attention to the person than the gender.

_But he was getting sidetracked_.

In front of him Lenalee was still pouting, though she wasn't looking at him now. "Tell Lavi, I said sorry- I've just been really busy. It's nothing to do with you guys." Lenalee tried to smile at him again as he tried as well. She seemed to know something else was wrong. Just as Wisely had guessed.

Another interesting quirk to the weekend, Wisely's discovery of Lenalee weekend job- which Alma apparently knew about- _only_ Alma though. But now Wisely did, and as such so did Allen. And as much as Wisely was denying it, Allen could also see how the fifth was becoming wound around the girl now sitting across from him. It was nearly disconcerting. Tyki takes his perverse interest in Lavi, while Wisely was becoming entranced with Lenalee- neither having anything to do with their innocence. Rhode seemed to be the only unaffected one- but if she was affected, she would be less likely to show it.

And Allen didn't know if he should be worried about it.

**O0O**

Those terrible nightmares were suddenly back.

Nine years without them and suddenly The Musician found himself in a familiar pattern again. He'd go to sleep at the usual time, climbing the cold, metal stairs of the loft, like a zombie at two-twelve like clockwork. He'd fall asleep quickly, his body turned to face the wall where three doors were positioned. A deep, red '18' etched into the thick white wood of the middle one. To either side of the door's white molding were the other doors, both a light tan color. The one to the left leading to a large sterile bathroom with a whirlpool tub. The door to the right lead to a large walk in closet that he had barely half-filled.

But watching that door as he fell asleep, seemed to make the nightmares worse.

Always the same, he would begin in the small room he knew so well, in their home. The white piano in front of him opened to show all it's ivory and black smile to him. The thick paint chipped in places to reveal the light colored wood underneath. This was _his_ piano, and he knew if he went to that room right then, it would be the same.

He'd had these nightmares before- in his last life- and he knew what would happen next. As he would look up from the white and black keys and standing on the other side of the piano would be that man. When awake he knew the figure was him- what he would seem to be without a host. The white cloak around white shirt and slacks- covering white skin that hadn't seen the light of day in years. And that blank face that held only that twisted, freakish smile- he hated that smile, because it showed his pollution. And more than that, he hated the man who had first shown in that smile- the man who had destroyed his everything.

And then suddenly, he would look back down. And his fingers would be moving fluidly as ever over the keys. But there would be no sound. The teeth made no noise.

And then, _the hysteria_.

That _gasping_ pain in his chest as he would watch his fingers move and hear nothing. Look up at his true self and simply see that freakish grin stretching further and further. And then, as his finger continued to move he would hear nothing, simply a ringing silence and the pounding of his heart- before he would jerk awake and look at the clock that would always read 3:14 AM.

He hated those dreams.

**O0O**

Talking to Lavi on Monday was nice. The red-head had seemed confused when Allen had suddenly caught up to him, Kanda, and Alma shortly after their Physics class and asked to talk to him. In private, had added- and Kanda had instantly returned to his common place glare.

They'd gone to the cafeteria. Allen getting another of those amazing taco salads, and Lavi grabbing a prepackaged bowl of cereal. The conversation had been light, Lavi asking how things with is family were going, Allen responding vaguely. Lenalee had told him, and that assured Allen a bit.

Then, out of nowhere. Lavi had pulled out his vibrating phone and smiled so brightly- so broadly- Allen fought his darker tendencies to cringe. And as Lavi tapped around on his phone, he explained. "So I met this guy," He began and Allen was immediately alert, halfway knowing what was coming. "He's a persistent, cocky jerk most of the time- but the other ten percent of the time, he's actually really nice and sweet." Allen smirked as he fought to not laugh.

"Sounds like your kinda guy," he mentioned off-handedly. Lavi blushed a bit as he continued tapping a bit before beginning to tap more constantly- obviously having been reading and now replying. As he finished, Lavi sighed looking up to meet Allen's eyes.

"Most of the time," the red-head replied. "But he's inconsistent." He paused as Allen consulted him with a quizzical look. "He says he really likes me- and I believe him. But then he vanishes, and I don't hear from him for two days or so." Allen nodded slowly, halfway feeling like they were talking about himself, and how he would vanish without talking to Kanda for days. The other man had said a similar thing to him one time.

But Tyki- this wasn't Tyki's fault really. The twins and Skin had joined their litter relief effort upon his request. Tyki and Skin would trade off watching Kanda and Marie- Tyki two days, then Skin the next two and so on. He wasn't stupid, Allen knew that Tyki would ask Skin to continue for an additional day every now and then. But it was never longer than a day. The twins had taken over watching Lavi, as Allen started to work on other things while still being sleep deprived from his returned nightmares.

Nearing in on a month and a half now of watching waiting- Allen knew they were running out of time. The Earl was getting anxious, and The Order seemed to be preparing for something. The younger exorcists like Lavi, Kanda and his brothers, Lenalee, Miranda and Chaoji where all keeping a wonderful cool- but Allen knew this feeling. The itching down the back of his spine, like the climax of his favorite piece, they were building for a war that the Earl was anticipating and the exorcists could never win- at least not in the long run.

A battle was coming and it was defiantly making him nervous.

Especially with how wound around these people his family was.

Wisely seemed overly-complacent. Tyki was smiling far to much for his own good. Skin and Lulu were having a 'good week'. The twins were as tight as ever. Even Rhode seemed overly happy, as Cyril had made a point of him knowing in his own special way. And Allen was still receiving (95% angry, 5% hurt/confused) glares from the man who wouldn't get out of his head. Because when he wasn't having nightmares, he was having wet dreams of Kanda.

He just wanted to sleep, for a few hours without waking up aching _some_how (weather it be in hysteria or lust). He needed a break, a release… And maybe it was time to at least try talking to Kanda.

He hadn't wanted to admit how right Wisely had been. He'd stopped denying it over three weeks ago now.

_It wasn't over; he wasn't done, and he didn't know if he ever would be_.

**O0O**

* * *

Yo, again.  
This is the bottom of chapter two, it says hello. (Smiles)

But this chapter has been done and uploaded for probably... two weeks now, and it just wouldn't let me update it. (Sighs)

There was a giant time skip in here. But there was a lot of time where things would have been a waiting game- and I didn't want to bore you. Teh time skip will explain itself eventually, if you ask real nice. (Grins)  
Also, you can probably answer the Ridde now. (Grins a bit more)

Review if you liked. If not, and you have nothing _constructive_ to say, don't. (Smiles)  
'Till the next.  
-Aseru


	4. This Player's Game

Yo.  
Lots more _Kanda_ in this Chapter, if you were wondering.

The next one will probably come quite a bit faster, since I unintentionally wrote half of it already. (Shrugs) But this one's a bit shorter, 'cause there was a nice cut off point.

And does anyone really read this…? I'm actually wondering. Motovation boost, anyone. 'Cause it's really boring when no one gives me feedback. And it'll keep writing itself either way, but I do wanna know what people think. I might not even yell at the bad comments… Much. Because this is an idea, I'm not stealing her characters and trying to say they're mine- I would't be posting on **FAN**_fiction_ if I was... Just sayin'.

(Grins) Enjoy? I hope you do.

* * *

_**My Loathsome Lover:**_  
**_Chap. 3;  
_**_This Player's Game._

**O0O**

The Wednesday after his talk with Lavi, Allen made his first efforts to talk to Kanda again, at least- feeling for the life of him like he was right back at the beginning.

There was one class that he and Kanda had together- _just_ them. Because while most of the other classes were scheduled with intent to follow Alma around for the Earl's needs, this had been the next best thing when he couldn't get into the other man. The class with only his target's similarly aged brother- next best thing.

Then, he didn't know that Kanda was such a jackass to first impressions. Then, he didn't know how much that would excite him. Or how much of a wonderful challenge that would make for him. And mostly- how easily he could lose himself in the dark-haired man.

Now, he did.

And Allen was more than welcoming for that challenge to taunt him again- he actually hoped it would.

He didn't feel disappointed, as he walked into the class he'd been avoiding for weeks now- ten minutes late.

The teacher and woman with dark curls and wonderful bright green eyes, was instantly glaring at him. "Mr. Walker," she scolded him instantly, "Please take your seat." Allen flashed her a glowing smile and did just that. Kanda glaring daggers as he moves right passed him and takes the seat right behind him. Seated at the back of the room, in the corner where no one would go, for fear of Kanda's killing intent, they were as alone as Allen knew Kanda would allow them to be, for now.

Leaning into his desk, toward Kanda's right shoulder, Allen began his game again.

"You never answered me," he whispered up to him. From the angle he couldn't see Kanda's face, but from the rough release of air, he knew the other man was glaring.

"What the hell are you talking about," the exorcist in front of him hisses back, turning his head just enough for Allen to see a bit of his angry and confused expression.

"You never answered me-," he repeats, his steel eyes locked onto the part of Kanda's face he could see, moving only to check the front of the room, where the teacher was still overly-involved in writing on the board. "-When I asked you if you were mad."

Kanda's form seemed to still. Then turning his head a bit back toward him, Kanda glared at him again. But it wasn't the hurt/angry glare- it was the 'you're so stupid' glare he used to be privy to a lot (what felt like) a long while ago. "That's a retarded question," Kanda hissed back after a moment, before he quickly turned to face forward again. His posture was different as he seat back in his seat and rejoined the class, less stick-like and a bit easier.

And Allen, feeling better than he had in (what felt like) a long while, let a genuine smile creep onto his lips.

_Game resumed_.

**O0O**

On Monday, he spoke to Lavi. On Wednesday, he spoke to Kanda. And it seemed on Friday, he would at least see either Lenalee or Alma. Or maybe, it would be both. Wisely seemed to think so.

And Allen would be lying if he said he wasn't concerned with The Fifth's new involvement with the female exorcist- who was also the chief supervisor of the area's little sister. Not that Wisely didn't already know that.

He'd heard off handedly of how the Earl had made another move recently. He'd watched his friends keep their faces tight against it- but Allen knew that at least two exorcists had died. He'd felt it instantly.

And tonight The Fifth had called him, when he'd noticed Alma hurrying toward Lenalee's not-so-well-known work. The small bar in the bad part of town, where the waitresses dressed too skimpy, but that the tips were better than anywhere else.

Pulling his black thigh length coat tighter around him, Allen made his way into the shady bar. And sure enough, Alma and Lenalee were huddled on the opposite side of the bar taking in hushed whispers that- even _not_ in the rowdy bar house- he wouldn't be able to hear over the distance.

And it felt weird, to see Alma in that thick, black leather coat that could easily keep him warm in Siberia. The Musician had tested it- a lifetime ago. But even weirder that when the two shifted, Allen could see the embroidered silver stitching on the crest over the left side of his chest.

But snapping out of it quickly, Allen turned away from he two and ducked into the dimly-lit booth where The Fifth sat.

"He just got here," Wisely tells him, his eyes locked onto the tall, nearly empty glass in his hand. "Apparently, porky has done it again." And Allen had to sigh.

"He killed the host and took it then- I didn't feel anything." Wisely nods, his vibrant amber eyes flicking up to meet Allen's steel for only a second.

"What are we gonna do," he asks then, tone still sounding beyond simply conversational if overheard. But Allen didn't have a reply for that question just yet.

"I don't know, yet." Wisely was then eyeing him again.

"Worried," he asks, tone griming just barely. Allen only nodded.

"I promised him," was his reply, and Wisely nods as his eyes slide back to the glass- before lifting it and sipping the last drops of amber liquid.

He could drink a keg and nothing would happen. Noah can't get drunk- a fact that pissed Tyki off for months when he found out.

But this conversation was over. And being caught sitting here would only bring question to both of them that neither were ready to answer. So without saying anything else, Allen stood and quickly left.

**O0O**

That night, as he woke at a little after four- Allen growled as he worked into full alertness. Here meaning becoming fully aware of the wet in his boxers that was suddenly freezing on his skin. Throwing the covers back violently, He stands and makes his way to the overly-clean bathroom, located through the door on the left.

He needed another shower tonight.

He needed to find a way to sleep the whole night tomorrow.

And if he couldn't escape the nightmares- which he knew he couldn't- he'd have to find a way to work off the wet dreams. And from other times, he knew what that meant.

Because it _wasn't_ over- he just couldn't _let it_ be over.

_Goddamn libido_.

**O0O**

And Saturday, apparently had him climbing the stairs of the college library to the study area.

The shelves there turned in odd directions, making walkways and dividers. The books were thick on all of them, hiding the seated grouping of chairs, maybe a coffee table, or in a few even a small actual table, hidden inside. Stowing away in the back corner where he always chose to hide- a well-known hiding place for a reason- Allen slipped in head phones and made short work of losing himself in the melodies in his ears and his Physics assignment- then Algebra, and later Civics.

And for once, he lost track of time. His sleep-depraved mind finding a rhythm in systematic math and Physics and the logic of the Civics- all lulled together with the melodies pouring from his headphones. And he noticed nothing else. Not the students passing by who would sometimes throw him odd glances- because the skimpy Allen Walker was being _quiet_- nor the librarian who tried to get him to remove his feet from the table in front of him.

None of it.

But for whatever reason, he felt the need to look at his watch, just that one time. And his eyes were suddenly glued to the hands of the analogue doomsday device. And then a boot was connect with his, pulling his eyes from his watch and lifting them to take in his gorgeous 'doom'.

Kanda's hand motioned for Allen to take out the headphones, but instead he fished out the silver and black device and turned the volume down so he could hear the other man but that the music was still wafting in the background.

"Hi," he replied, to whatever Kanda had obviously said to earn him a kick in the boot.

"Hi," Kanda responded slowly after a moment, his eyes flicking nervously around the small seating area. There was a window halfway interrupted by a bookshelf to one side and only a small coffee table and two chairs with a stand attaching them.

And Allen… Didn't know what to say now.

He'd honestly planned on avoiding Kanda until the class they had together came around again- on Wednesday. But he'd forgotten that this place- where he was well-known for coming to- was also where Kanda hid on Saturday evenings, to do whatever homework he'd accrued during the week that hadn't been done in class or at lunch. Doing it at home wasn't an option for him, not with his three brothers who were in an out, and their foster father- Froi, the Exorcist General who had adopted Kanda when he was young- being his usual 'annoying self' as Kanda called it.

And so… they simply didn't move, neither really looking at the other, but nothing else happening. And Allen sighed, his steel eyes looking up to meet Kanda's now narrowed cobalt.

"Would you like me to leave," he grit out, his face slipping into a curt smile, that he hoped didn't display his unhappiness _that_ openly.

He really did hate himself some times-

Kanda sighed, his eyes only giving away that he didn't exactly know what to say.

-Especially, like, now. When all he wanted was for the taller man to sit down next to him and for life to go on, like it had been until about two months ago.

He wished that Kanda wouldn't hate him- though Allen knew fully well that was his fault no matter what. He wished, more than that, that he could have proved the Earl wrong. When years ago he'd told Music that Exorcists and Noah would never be able to coexist. 'We're just too different,' he'd said. And Music had always hated those differences.

And so without waiting for an answer Allen, closed his book, notebook and shoves both back into his bag before throwing it over his shoulder and standing- blasting the music in his ears as he walked away, as if it would keep the startled look on his back from meaning so much.

**O0O**

Sunday, was spent glaring through the window in the kitchen as he wished for a reason to move. A reason that never came.

Until 1 AM, when Dreams was suddenly standing in the kitchen archway behind his chair, her reflection above his in the glass window. And once again- Allen was left hoping Dreams would have an answer- or at least a reason.

And maybe Dreams really could hear his frustration without him speaking, because without saying anything she had moved to him and wrapped her arms around his neck is a loose hug. His right hand moved before he could tell it otherwise and found a perch with his fingers wound around her forearm near his shoulder.

And they spent a few companionable moments as such without moving- both of their eyes drawn through the window in front of them. Looking into the outside- still seeing nothing.

"It's scary, isn't it?" He didn't have to ask what, Allen was sure he knew what she was talking about. He was sure she already knew his answer. "It hurts, doesn't it?"

"I grasp you have an idea of how much," he found himself muttering back. And Dreams hummed as she turned her head down and tucked her face against his neck.

"Yes," she answered after a moment. And they'd reached another short silence. But this one was covered with a thick need to ask questions he wasn't sure he was ready for the answers he knew Dreams would give him. She wouldn't proved the answers though, if he didn't ask. Theoretically, anyway. "Running away is much harder on the feet that standing up for a fight- at least, in the long run. Regret is a rocky road on a tender soul, Allen," and just like that she'd answered everything.

And as she smirked he knew she'd done it on purpose. Then with a quick press of her lips against his temple, Dreams stood and glancing once more at the window, turned and left the semi-lit kitchen disappearing into the darkened apartment, and he knew- up the stairs and into that door that should have led no where.

And Allen had to smiles a bit, as he inwardly agreed with Dreams' small, thorny-worded scolding. He couldn't run this time.

**O0O**

* * *

Well? (Smiles)  
-Aseru


	5. Terribly Illegal Tactics

Hey there- I changed my greeting for once. (Grins)  
It's awkward to me that my biggest problem with this story right now is the chapter _titles_… The plot, interactions, and logic just comes so easily… And then thinking up a title that covers all of the three to five movements in each chapter it was makes it take so long (well, that and editing…).  
Be warned, the bits of the next chapter I've written have taken a much faster, much more 'in motion' pace. And… switched Point of Reference- which I may end up correcting. But the message is- this is the last 'building chapter'- the show will soon begin. (Grin, grin)

Bu~t, anyway… (Sigh) M.L.L. Chapter four; Go!  
Yeah?

* * *

_**My Loathsome Lover:  
**__**Chap. 4;  
**__Terribly Illegal Tactics_

Another Monday found him seated at a table with Lenalee and Lavi for lunch. Sitting quietly as they had a small argument about a movie or show- Allen wasn't sure which it actually was. And he simply listened as he worked through another wondrous taco salad. And then, Lenalee was waving wildly across the room and with a sigh Kanda was moving toward them, Alma just him a moment later.

And Allen tried to not laugh. _Oh irony- you must hate me_.

Kanda took the seat across from him while Alma made Lenalee scoot her chair down and shared a side of the table with her- pulling up a fifth stray chair. And then Kanda's foul mouth and Alma's small pleas for him to stop yelling and/or cussing were mixed in- and still Allen had little to say.

In his head he was counting days- piecing together the small clues Desire, Lustul, and Corrosion had been able to get to him. Then the Order; the small bits Wisely had unintentionally taken from Lenalee- he'd already stated several times that he didn't like delving too deep into her mind, mostly for his own reasons. Which made Allen wonder how long Wisely would be able to lie- he'd always been terrible at it.

And then seated at this table, was a not-so-small fact that scared him even more. He'd noticed it a few days ago now, and had yet to say anything to Rhode- because as a tactical move, it was a good one. But when she did it, Allen doubted there was anything _tactical_ going through her head.

Around Alma's neck was a thin silver chain the held a small silver plate- looked something like a military dog tag. A slick, glinting surface held only the impression of a small nine just above the bottom edge on only one side. Music knew it as Dreams' self- her _true_ self, that she'd locked away a long, long time ago. Alma seemed to know something of it's importance, as he kept it carefully tucked into his shirt unless it was between his fingers as he twiddled, or rubbed it when in thought.

And while Dreams' intent might not have initially been tactical, it gave Music a slew of tactical ponderings. He knew that small plate had the ability to protect whoever held it if they were being threatened by either a Noah, or an Akuma. Yes, it made Music wonder if Dreams had intended for him to see it. Because she was protecting Alma even without being physically at his side. And if the plate activated, she would know as it would tap into her abilities to do so.

Looking around the table again, Allen also noted Lavi's tired state for the millionth time since sitting down- mentally adding that Skin had been on guard last night. And he defiantly noted Kanda's suddenly questioning eye. He was being quiet though- that was probably why. And lastly- after another glance at the on semi-visible chain around Alma's neck- he noted Lenalee's slightly more _up_ mood.

And they all seemed to pull him _down_, for whatever reason.

And with a sigh and a weary glance at his half eaten taco salad, Allen stood. "Sorry guys," he told them as they quieted as he made to leave, "I've got a bit of work to catch up on- I should go."

Lavi merely smiled a bit- before yawning- and nodded as a form of 'see ya later'. Alma gave a small 'later' and a brief smile before continuing eating the sandwich he'd gotten. Kanda glared and Allen barely noted that he had a lifted brow, as if Kanda knew he was running. But Lenalee was suddenly smiling widely.

"Hey," she asked as he was still picking up a few errant pieces of taco and lettuce, "What are you doing on Saturday?" He couldn't think of anything- merely shrugging in reply.

"Don't know," He replied after a moment, now noting Kanda was pinning her with a hard look, "Why?" Lenalee's smile got a bit brighter- if that was possible.

"I was going to ask you guys to come over. Brother's away on business for a while." If that meant anything to, or surprised the other three Exorcists, they didn't show it. "So," Lenalee was now asking all of them. Only Lavi seemed to be occupied.

"I have a date," He put on the table. Allen smirked inwardly and his face grinned.

"Really," he asked. Lavi merely blushed a bit in reply. Allen scoffed- yeah, Tyki was off on Saturday. Lenalee caught Allen's eyes and held up two fingers in indication, mouthing the word 'second.' And Allen paused- when had the _first_ happened? Alma was still chewing, but as he and Kanda exchanged glances- Alma answered for both of them.

"Gets us out of the house," and he grinned in acceptance. Kanda still looked indifferent. Then Lenalee was looking back at Allen, her face expectant.

He didn't have anything to do right now… But what the week would bring was still up in the air. "I'll try," he agreed finally, and Lenalee smiled.

**O0O**

What the week would bring, indeed. Because on Monday, Allen hadn't planned on being _here_- where he was right now. Because it was unsettling- more than that he didn't like what was happening, because he defiantly didn't mind that.

Physics- that _lone_ class he had with _only_ Kanda- had been kicking his ass. Kanda noticed- and in a brief moment of kindness asked him- in his much more usual brash way- if he needed help with it. Never one to pass up an opportunity, Allen naturally agreed.

And Wednesday found him…

Still, _a bit_, confused.

How had, _helping with Physics_ so suddenly changed to groping and a full make-out? They hadn't even been working on chemistry… _Oh well_, tasks to ponder at a later date.

And then Kanda's fingers were kneading at his hips again and Allen was back into it. His mouth immediately latched onto the one only a small space away from his again, tongues clashing at once regardless that neither had their breath back yet. His hands were suddenly working to be under that black t-shirt Kanda had on- _that he wanted off_.

But in the back of his mind- always back there- he was wanting it to be different this time.

His hands were running over skin- hot, smooth, hard skin. Skin that he wanted more of. Then Kanda was pulling his hips again, pulling him forward, but at the same time laying him down. Well, Kanda was on top today it seemed… Because his actions were leaving little- to no- room for Allen to fight that. Lips together, tongues dueling, hands between them disrobing each other quickly- the former only stopping for the latter to progress.

But this time, Allen wasn't deluding himself into believing it was the last. _They wouldn't have a last if he had anything to say about it._

Constant motion, just how it had always been between them. Always learning; always doing something different. Kanda probably knew his body better than any other, because every time it seemed he demanded to know more. And Allen was always willing to teach him.

Shirts were both quickly gone, and then hips were gyrating, grinding. And Music made a quick sweep to make sure the twins had actually left when he'd told them to earlier. He was pretty sure they were by the time that Kanda was distracting him again, teeth and tongue latched onto his neck- pulse point and collar bone, nearly making him mewl. Then he could feel Kanda's hands between them, fingers pulling at his belt roughly.

And the gravity of the situation was suddenly hitting him.

_The physics of it_, he mused for a moment, _Ironic_.

He was doing it again- detaching himself from what was happening. And if he let it continue he'd have himself loathed into disappearing before sun up again. After hiding the entire night in Kanda's room after either of his brothers or Froi managed to get back. And he'd be right back into his self-loathing state of mind again- right back in his hole.

And he didn't want that.

What he did want though, was right now attempting to eat him alive- not that he wouldn't allow Kanda to destroy him, if that was what he really wanted.

And when all was said and done he probably would.

And…

"Kanda," it was out before he could stop it. But Kanda had already stopped, after pulling his belt from its loops and moved it some where, he'd noticed Allen's motionless state. And as he came back to the present, Allen lost his wind. Because the wonder and agony that twirled in those cobalt eyes- and what it did to him- was more painful that any wound he'd ever received.

And again Allen was moving, much slower this time. His hand reaching up tangling into the dark hairs at the base of Kanda's skull and tugging him down at the same time he sat up fractionally, meeting midway.

It was an odd feeling- being tender. Even odder, was feeling that tenderness right back. But Allen knew- knew _well_, that Kanda wasn't a person to accomplish tender easily. And even more so, nether was Music. So their tender ended up frosted with a thick layer of need.

He was attempting to make a point though, that would have felt thick if he ever even tried to state it aloud.

He _needed_ Kanda. Needed him to trust him, want him, need him just that same that he was more than fully able to admit that he needed the Exorcist between his legs now. In all those ways, and so many others.

And if not, he wanted him to kill him- at the end of it all.

It was funny, Music realized- he was entrusting the fate of the Noah Family to an Exorcist. But he'd believed that was destiny- the Music before him had, and the Head before the Earl had.

And he'd promised…

And, as they parted, both totally out of breath now, but fully horizontal again- Allen smiled. And Kanda consulted him with a quizzical eye.

"You confuse the shit out of me," the Exorcist announced suddenly and Allen had to chuckle even as Kanda lowered his head to rest it against Allen's collar bone.

"I know," was all he could reply. And then he paused, as he attempted to collect himself and his thoughts. Because now, _the knight would move in a way no board game allowed_.

Because now, he'd make his first move.

"I need your help, Kanda." And he could feel the body on top of him still momentarily, before he pushed himself up again, now perched on his elbows above him, looking down with questioning eyes.

"With what," He was back to gruff… Allen could deal with gruff much better than tender- though tender was much more appealing while in this physical position. "You bein' bullied," Kanda then decided to tease him- and Allen could deal with that too.

But the irony to that statement was baffling. It was as if Kanda already knew… which when he thought about it was semi-plausible. And he grinned.

"Yeah- kinda." Kanda's eyes were still on him, looking between his eyes and that small grin- he merely hummed thoughtfully though.

And Allen took his turn to be confused as Kanda suddenly leaned forward, his lips lightly pecking Allen's cheek - his left cheek, he realized- for a mere instant and then ducking down beside his head. He could feel Kanda's eyelashes flutter against his ear as he blinked and his hot breath on his bare neck as he sighed. "Well," the exorcist who was holding him suddenly sighed, seemingly resigned, "We'll just have to deal with that, won't we."

Allen grinned. "You confuse the shit out of me."

Kanda laughed.

**O0O**

And on Thursday, Allen spent between classes and seated comfortably in the library- in that same spot- with Kanda.

He hadn't actually gotten the sex he was wanting- yesterday or since. But he was fine with that right now. As long as whatever had happened- he was hesitant to name it- lent them to be right back here… Where he was comfortable. He could do '_here_'- and God knows, he was happiest '_here_', right now.

No matter how short of a time '_here_' would exist, Allen decided he would bask in it as long as he could.

**O0O**

And Saturday… he should have sighed.

Stepping into the large, long dining room, The Musician was stringing creatively colored words together in rapid order- in his head, at least.

The tight black sleeveless, deep v-neck shirt he wore that zipped up the front, and the skin tight black pants with knee-high leather black boots were uncomfortable at the moment. _Being dressed like a Noah was uncomfortable at the moment_, and Music hated to admit it. The Musician liked to think he was a proud Noah- even if he was in love with an Exorcist.

Joyd sighs next to him, pulling at his white shirt- that was similar to Music's, only white. The pants on his legs were just a tight the canvas boots that he preferred- and Music didn't- seemed glued to his toes even.

They both were miffed and Music knew exactly why- Tyki had a second date with Lavi tonight, and Allen was supposed to be 'hanging out' with Kanda, Lenalee and Alma- at Lenalee's request of course, because Kanda would never ask.

Wisely and Dreams were giving them both amused looks even as they branched off and moved to their seats at the table. Wisely even going as far as patting Joyd on the back supportively. Joyd glared right back as they took their seat next to each other. Dreams taking her's between Lustul and Wrath. Both of who were looking to her for answers, while Bondomu were snickering across from them. Corrosion was giving Wisely a critical eye that the fifth didn't seem to care about, while Tryde next to him looked to be asleep. Mercym fidgeted in his seat as the fifth sat next to him even, an Mightra was the only one who seemed to not be bothered- other than the sleeping Tryde- at the end of the table. And as Music took his seat at the opposite head of the table, his eyes strayed pointedly to the vacant seat at the opposite end.

Desires' seat was the only one vacant still. The Earl wasn't here yet. It felt odd to him, being at the table before the pudgy man.

Music had made a game out of being late to anything their head planned- or _requested_- of them. It was a small, petty show of defiance. But, even as weird as it felt, Music was inclined to believe that today was a very good day to be on time- _for some reason_.

And maybe he was right, Music noted. Because as the door to the left side of the room, opposite where he, Dreams, Joyd and Wisely had entered, opened to admit several of them, Music's eyes met Desires' and he could nearly feel the palpable unease in the older man's mind.

Seemed their symphony would be taking a terrible turn- far sooner than he wished it would.

**O0O**

* * *

Points of Noteworthy 'Fact': I do take liberties with the things that have yet to be explained in the manga.  
I.e.: Rhode's real self. It has been stated several times that Rhode hides her 'true self' to avoid being killed. I have several theories on the subject of it- but this is one of them.  
Meaning- An small seemingly insignificant item that she's put _some_where overly obvious that she can watch but that it won't be in any significant danger.  
Meaning, like, around the neck of a powerful Exorcist? Maybe…?  
To me, it seems like something _Sneaky Rhode_ would do. 'Cause come on- you know she's not really _that_ innocent… Obviously.

Or.  
I.e.: The personalities of the Noah who we haven't seen a lot of.

Please note- I am writing this now… as in circa chapter 204 of the manga. Just so people know.  
Lemme know what ya think, nei? Thanks.  
-Aseru.


	6. Seeing His Suspicions

Hi  
Chapter five; this is it.

**Beware**: Ahead is a Terribly Awkward Kanda and a Crying Allen (probably not for the reasons your thinking right now though), potentially bad grammar, and the Earl's being a Big-Jerk again. Be prepared, because now you've been warned.

This is in _Kanda-View_- the style changed a bit, but because it was a different character it seemed natural to me. And oddly, as there was a lot of catching up to do on Kanda's thinking, there is only _one_ line break… dang, oh well.

And now… To the bottom!

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_**My Loathsome Lover:**_  
_**Chap. 5;  
**__Seeing His Suspicions_

**O0O**

He was running, _fast_. But his chest wasn't pounding- he was used to this kind of exertion. He was an Exorcist- he should be used to this.

The mechanical whirling behind him though, seemed like it didn't care how fast he was running- it would stay just so far behind. Pushing him- _leading_ him, he realized with a scoff.

He was being moved like a fucking remote control car.

And somewhere inside his head, he was halfway wondering- _to where_?

It'd been happening a lot recently- Akuma that were acting oddly. Doing things that they shouldn't have been trying to. Almost like they were investigating them- pushing them to see if they could find their breaking limit.

But he also knew, right now, stopping and facing the about fifteen level one's behind him wasn't the problem. It was the much smaller- much more powerful Akuma that was hiding somewhere within those numbers.

And with the small knicks and hits he'd already received, it would be suicide to stop running right now. He had to think of something, fast.

But Kanda would be lying if he said his head was totally in this fight. Or even halfway. _Fucking Sundays_.

But he was getting tired, the amounts of virus in his system were getting dangerously high- _he had to do something_. And then- he was going to ring Alma's neck for ditching him this morning. But then a hit made it to the ground too closely behind him, the dry soil kicking up and tossing him. And landing him with his face in the dirt.

Before he could even move their was a weight on the back of his right leg and lower back- and there was a small, grubby- _metallic_- hand digging into the back of his head. "Okay," that high voice was suddenly declaring to him, "You can die now, Exorcist."

And the pinch of a barrel to the back of his head made Kanda growl. But before it could _charge_, _fire_ or _kill him_ there were much smaller, duel clicks and a synchronized chuckle before that barrel was suddenly sliding down the back of his neck- a loud bang suddenly making his head flood with attentive thoughts.

"You're defying orders, brat," a voice was speaking to the level four.

"Or just obeying the wrong ones, hehe," another added from the opposite side of him. And then the weight on his leg was gone and another _ticking_ was added to the air.

"And you guys," the first voice was shouting back toward where Kanda knew the other Akuma were waiting.

"You can go away now," the second added once again. If he was in a better frame of mind, Kanda might have found them annoying. But as it was, he was just tired.

He just wanted to sleep for a bit…

**O0O**

He woke to that same chorus of voices. "So sorry, Music."

"We're not perfect, ya know." And in his head Kanda was aware that he shouldn't have been this comfortable, for whatever reason. And then it made sense as another voice answered.

"Whatever," it grit out, "Just get, both of you." He sounded mad. Kanda had never really thought about what Allen would have sounded like mad… Or much of anything else even. He listened to the two voices that had… _Saved_ him, bicker their way out of the room and then heard several things rattle in response to a door slamming somewhere in the… house? Apartment?

Come to think of it, he'd never known where Allen lived before either.

"What are you gonna do now," another voice was asking- feminine, young. He was analyzing all of them for some reason. But this one made him pause… it sounded almost _familiar_.

He could hear Allen sigh then- they were close enough for that, but he didn't think they were in the same room.

"He moved fast," the feminine voice was pointing out then, continuing. "He said he knew, and by then he was probably already moving." Allen hummed shortly. Then silence stretched for a moment, before there was a smaller sigh- her's. "I'll go check on the others," she concluded and Kanda could hear her shoes tapping away from him. And then the softer clomp of boots moving toward him, stopping just out of his reach.

Funny- he hadn't even tried to move since he'd regained his awareness.

"How are you feeling," Allen asked him then, his voice hesitant and… _tired_.

And Kanda allowed his eyes to slowly ease open, locking onto a beige colored ceiling that spread out to odd teal colored walls. But somehow it seemed to work- those colors, together. And his lips quirked of their own accord.

"Odd décor," he let slip and he could nearly feel Allen's quizzical eye.

"Coming from the guy who has white walls and tan carpet- so _original_." They were dancing around the giant, vibrantly-colored elephant in the room it seemed- neither really wanting to talk about whatever had happened. But after a final chuckle, they were quiet.

"I'm sorry," Allen was telling him suddenly, "I pulled the twins for a while- asked them to look after something else. I assumed Alma would be with you for a while." Kanda had to scoff.

"So did I." Allen didn't seem to find it funny though.

"He'll keep trying." He didn't have to ask, _who _was trying _what_- Kanda understood. For whatever reason, the Earl was trying to kill him. Not that this fact alone was new. He was an Exorcist, the Earl was trying to kill them all. "Kanda," Allen was then speaking to him again.

But, maybe he was trying to downplay the severity of the situation. If Allen's tone was any indication, he was.

"Kanda," he tried again, his voice seeming even more tired than a moment ago. "I need you to be careful." And finally, Kanda allowed his head to turn, his eyes locking onto the other's.

He looked the same, mostly. There was just the clothes- as tight as usual, but the material was different. They were no street clothes- looked even equitable to the material of his coat. And then there was his eye…

Suspecting was so much different than seeing, Kanda realized, as his eyes finally noted the jagged red line through Allen's left eye, the pentagram perched above- displayed by the prominent part in his hair.

Then Allen seemed to recollect where Kanda's eyes were locked, and the small bits of hesitancy that had been in his eyes seemed to grow and bloom into near full panic and pain. And he then had his head tilted, the left side just a fractional bit further out of his line of sight.

"Sorry," he was apologizing again, "I can't keep up the entire illusion right now- a bit too taxed for that."

Kanda's brain caught at the '_entire illusion_'. "What the hell does that mean," he bit out before he could stop it, slowly moving to sit up. Then his eyes were looking down to where the blankets were suddenly pulling to his left side. Laying on the top sheet right next to him, wrapped in his coat was Mugen. "What the hell?"

"The twins can't physically touch your innocence," Allen was telling him then, his face still turned away, the left side now completely hidden, but one steel-amber rimmed eyes turned to watch him. It was odd for him to hear that term come out of Allen's mouth. It was odd for Mugen to be right next to him, wrapped in his Exorcist coat, when Allen was in the room.

But then suddenly there was a whirling noise somewhere in the room and Kanda was a bit more alert, looking at Allen's now stone still form. He noted the barely there narrowing on the eye he could see. But he also noted the sudden appearance of another man at the door of the room.

It was a terrible feeling that was now coiling in his gut. Because he knew that man- regardless that his hair was longer- he knew this man because he'd been present when two of the other Noah had attacked a group of Exorcists recently. But before he could react, Allen was speaking to the other man.

"I can't," was all he managed to mutter, and the other man's eyes were narrowed and with a small nod he then moved from the door. Kanda only heard his shoes click a few times before the noise was gone. But looking back at Allen, his body was still tense. "I can't even deactivate it," he whispers, his left hand leaving his pocket and lifting to his face.

Then his right eye was turned to Kanda. But it was, again, a startling difference between _suspecting_ and _seeing_. Because Allen's right eyes was now completely that amber color he'd only seen in a Noah's eye recently. And he could make out how the skin of Allen's left arm was slowly turning black- but black was different than a Noah's skin color. That dead _gray_ wasn't the same a this _black_. But his hair was still brown and his forehead was still flawless, other than the pentagram he knew was on the left side- no stigmata.

And… for whatever reason, being alone in a room with him didn't scare him as much as even being alone on a battlefield with those three and near a hundred Akuma- though Lavi, Alma, and Krory had _technically_ been with him. They were alone- and Kanda felt no different than he had Thursday sitting in the library alone with the other man.

"If you want to leave," Allen was telling him suddenly, his lone visible amber eye still watching him wearily, "I'll have someone tell you when it's safest." Then he was sighing. "But it might not be for a while. The numbers are making it quite slow going." He pauses now. "By either way, I have no doubt that The Order has-" that phrase sounded worse than '_innocence_' coming out of the man's mouth, "-noticed, one- you're missing, and two- that this building had been under near constant attack for several hours now." Kanda's brain paused to understand that statement.

"_Hours_," was what he settled on. Allen only nodded, offering nothing else. He seemed suddenly distracted, his visible eyes closing and body stilling.

"What is it," he was asking back toward the door after a moment. Then, with no signifiers, there was a rather large… _huge_ man standing in the door that wasn't even wide enough for him to enter without turning a bit.

"Wisely," was his reply, his voice adequately gruff and haggard. Allen then had the rest of his body turned toward the door.

"I realize what he's doing," Allen was then replying, "Leave it." There was a rumble from the bigger man. Allen did something, and the grumbling stopped and the big man then huffed before moving away from the door- still, _somehow_ making no noise. "Heads already in the chopper and now he gets serious- so like him," Allen was muttering, before sighing and turning back a bit, body once again half facing Kanda.

He looked significantly beyond drained. And for some reason that bothered Kanda.

"I need to go rest," he sighs, "They can't tell up from down when we're this tired- and yet we're still having to fight." He seemed to be more musing than informative. But then his eye was back on Kanda and he was suddenly serious again. "You should go."

And Kanda could feel his blood go cold. Just the thought- it was alarming how much it bothered him.

"It's dangerous here," Allen then added, "For more reasons that you're probably comprehending right now." And lifting his eyes that had sometime fallen to the bed sheets Kanda was looking at him again. And though his lips were smiling he looked sad- Kanda had seen that smile before. And he hated it just the same now.

And he was reply before he knew it- "You're even more stupid than I realized if you think I'm _actually_ going to do that." And after a brief show of surprise in which that fake ass smile fell, Allen was smiling a bit more realistically.

"Somehow I knew you were going to say something like that."

And Kanda felt his cheeks flush and Allen chuckled.

"Still as brash as ever- even when helping the enemy, hm?"

_Enemy_- Kanda paused. That word didn't seem right for some reason. He could hear the explosions now- wondering how he'd missed them before. They were fighting Akuma, how could these people be any kind of enemy?

Then suddenly there was a loud bang somewhere in the house (or _apartment)_. "Allen," that feminine voice was calling, sounding near frantic. And Allen turned, not even pausing before moving toward the door. After a moment, Kanda was up, grabbing Mugen and dragging his coat after him. Reaffixing Mugen to his side he followed Allen down the hall- he didn't seem bothered by Kanda's presence. By the time they had clomped down some stairs and into a different room, Kanda had pulling the extra hair tie from his coat pocket and had his ponytail back in order.

But out of the five people in the living room, only one seemed to not mind his presence- though another was unconscious on the couch, so he didn't really count. Five of them- The small girl situated on the arm of the couch with the unconscious man's head in her lap, as another, taller man was bent over him, fingers pulling what looked like thread around a rather large slash in the man's chest. The large imposing man from earlier was standing near what Kanda guessed was the front door. And next to him was a very feminine looking man- because with an open-chested shirt, he _knew_ it was a man… Though the long blond and black hair and overdose of make-up was defiantly confusing. The girl was smiling softly at him, seeming to be the only one who didn't mind him- while the other three were simply looking at him.

"Oh, what_ever_," the man stitching the other's chest closed suddenly sighed and then gave a rather harsh tug on the stitches, pulling the separated skin together. And then suddenly, there wasn't an injury and the threads were gone. Then the much older looking man turned to Allen, "Deal with this." And then without a response, he turned toward the door, grabbing the womanly man's arm in the process and the boulder of a man moved without request and the three were suddenly gone out the door.

"He's in a terrible mood," the girl pouted her eyes looking toward the door. Allen scoffed.

"I'd be concerned if he wasn't," he replied easily. But Kanda's eyes were still on the girl. On her gray skin; and her amber eyes; and her wild, black hair. He knew her too- through videos and recordings of when two other Exorcists had been killed. But like the man earlier, she'd never participated- and it had left most of The Order wondering. The older man who was in a 'terrible mood' too- he'd been the same. They'd wondered what the significance of those three was.

Kanda could answer it now- they hadn't agreed.

"_You're defying orders, brat," a voice was speaking to the level four._

"_Or just obeying the wrong ones, hehe…"_

It made sense now. But then his eyes were drawn to the man laying on the couch, his eyes closed- at least the two that were _regular_. But his gray skin and the side stigmata were there- he was a Noah, the same as the girl and as… Allen.

"You should go lay down," the girl was suddenly speaking, and Kanda looked up to ensure she was looking at Allen. The other merely hummed in reply. She then smiles softly, her eyes turning to Kanda. "Both of you should- if you're not going to _leave_, Kanda." He was a little put off that she knew it name, but then again… They all seemed to be close to Allen- so it shouldn't have been that big of a surprise.

But after a moment his face fell into his usual glare as he gestured to the man in her lap. "And end up like him," he scoffed, "I know my limits, girl." She merely giggled and nodded.

"I noticed," then her face grimed a bit. "How's that gonna work out for you though?" Kanda paused, somehow knowing she wasn't talking to him. Allen then sighed, and Kanda could make out the girl's smile grow a bit. "I'll let you know if anything changes." Allen nodded in reply and then turned back, a small motion of his hand leading Kanda to follow him.

And at a tired pace, they moved through the house- that actually seemed to just be a two story loft. At a random door, Allen opened it and Kanda followed as they moved inside. And things around him, suddenly looked much different. The white, drywall walls were suddenly brick and the colors of everything else was monochrome- from the black counter tops to the steel stairs in the corner of the room that lead up to yet another level.

And Allen moved without a second though toward those stairs. And Kanda remained at the door for a second, his eyes trailing over the body in front of him. Over the still shaggy brown hair- that he couldn't picture darkening into a Noah's bland black. Over the black-skinned arm that now hung limply at his side- as he stopped in his advance, maybe feeling Kanda's appraising eyes. Over the body that he knew like his own. From the scars on his torso that Kanda had never felt he should ask about to the odd discoloration to his left hand- that again, Kanda had never felt right asking about. And as the other turned, he took in the sight of that pentagram, now hovering over the wispy dark red lines that trailed over his cheekbone and then down the side of his face, broken only by the black sclera and red iris of his eye.

But Allen's skin was still pale, his forehead only marked by that pointed red pentagram, and his lips were still trying to force that fake-ass smile- even though he looked like he was about to cry.

"What happened," Kanda found himself asking- not that he knew why. And Allen didn't react for a few moments, his face falling completely blank. Kanda was only semi-thankful, because even though that damn smile was gone, Allen's face was now void- looking near lifeless.

And then as if something inside him was finally giving in- Kanda watched two thin lines of tears trek themselves down Allen's pale cheeks. Then he was muttering, leaving Kanda to piece together what he could hear. "Not yet. I can't break yet." His eyes though, never left Kanda's chest.

And even as the slightly shorter man began to backtrack toward him, Kanda couldn't feel it in himself to mind. He watched- unaffected other than that knaggy feeling in his chest- that he failed to dub 'worry'. Because even as Allen's right hand lifted to clench the sewn on patch of The Order's crest over his heart, Kanda didn't know what to do- to stop Allen's muttering or the tears still making steady lines down his cheeks and neck. But as he felt those nimble fingers clench against the hefty leather and embroidered cross, he let his body do it for him- as nearly ever time before this.

And before he could understand it, his fingers were tangled in Allen's brunette hair that seemed to be subtly changing, pulling him closer by the back of his head, his other arm moving to wrap around the other's shoulders and hold Allen to his chest- in an embrace he was pretty sure felt awkward on both sides.

"I can't stop," Kanda could hear him mutter into his coat, "I'm sorry, I just can't stop crying." He felt himself shake his head, even as he- unthinkingly- pressed his lips onto the crown on Allen's suddenly stark white hair. He could feel both left and right hand now fisted into his coat, the right still over his heart, the left clenched just above his right hip.

_This was scary_, he realized. Scary for a lot of reasons, actually. Scary because he didn't know what to do- and Kanda had always tried to avoid that feeling; _helplessness_. But also because he _wanted_ to help. He wanted Allen to stop crying- even if it meant he'd plaster that fake-ass smile on again. And, he wanted it so much that the thought that- once again- Allen would unconsciously let him and then realize what he'd done a while later and- once again- (proverbially, in this case) be gone before sun-up.

That was probably what he hated the most about the other. _The inconsistency_. He'd told him that before too. And when Allen had seem genuinely surprised by his admission (that had taken a lot of working up to) he'd (_faintly_, _inwardly_) hoped it would change. It didn't though, and he'd gotten angry instead- _his default emotion_.

And then just under three months ago, Allen just seemed to _give up_. And just like that, it was over. He avoided them- all of them, the ones he had probably known were Exorcists and had seemingly all but disappeared. And Allen disappearing had made him even angrier- because he'd worried. Worried about the man who was always alone, who would sit in the library until he fell asleep some weekend evenings. But he worried about him most on those morning that he'd be gone.

Six times, six goddamned times- and he'd worried every one. At first- wondering if he'd done something wrong. Then later, why it was that Allen felt the need to separate himself. But then- the fifth time they slept together, he'd counted and rechecked just to be certain- he'd seen it, only for a moment. He seen that white hair, amber eyes and red scarring around his left eye. As if an after-image of a blinding light, it lingers just past what he could perceive- and he'd known something was different.

And then, in separate fights with the Noah, he'd seen it too. Pain, physical pain made them hasty, dulled their awareness of what they were doing. Overran them with sensation- which would only be worse in the sense of _the pain of penetration_ he imagined. In that instant when it hurt- as it usually did no matter what, at least for them- Allen had lost control for just a moment.

And now, with his fingers wound through white hair, amber eyes pinched shut as his tears slow, the red pentagram seemingly _swimming_ over his skin- Kanda knew he'd been right. And was suddenly glad he'd never asked Lavi or Lenalee outright about anything they'd noticed.

"He killed the sixth," Allen was suddenly whispering into his chest. "That imbecilic man killed Corrosion- just to laugh and say _because he could_." And Kanda found that even the near insane laugh that followed didn't bother him; he only sighed. Then his fingers were tightening in Allen's hair and his arms squeezing a bit- in a momentary show of support. "I don't know what to do," Allen then added his voice suddenly pensive, body relaxing almost instantly as Kanda felt his arms ease around him.

And then he was pushing back, not out of Kanda's arms but just far enough that he could look up and meet his eyes. Vibrant, white hair seemed to be much better than the bland black that most of the other Noah had. And Kanda felt no unease as his eyes locked with Allen's amber and red on black. "Any ideas," he then asked, his voice far beyond easy-going, as if they weren't talking about a mad-man who was trying to kill them _both_ apparently.

But, Kanda also realized, neither of them really seemed like they were planning on dying any time soon.

"We'll think of something."

**O0O**

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Hi, this is the bottom.

I would like to **Note **that in this chapter when I mentioned Allen's eye as being 'swirl-y lines', or something to that extent- it's a reference to how it looked in Manga chapters while he was in the Fourteenth's room, playing the piano to stop the download.  
I don't watch the Anime much, so if it (or if it _doesn't_) changes in that, I wouldn't know. If you want a chapter:page, it would be Ch., it's in this form for practically the whole chapter from what I can remember.

(No, I don't have that memorized, I looked right before I wrote this. :P)  
But if you wanna know about the Noah's names I know (without looking) that they're in chapter 187. - Party and Party! (Only looked to make sure I was right.)

(Can now be classified by the masses as a NERD: in caps.)  
But anyway- let me know what you think about this chapter? Pretty please?  
-Aseru


	7. Grotesque Get Away

_Hello, this is chapter six.  
__Please enjoy. (Bows)_

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_**My Loathsome Lover:  
Chap. 6;  
**__Grotesque Get-Away_

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They were worried.

Alma had nearly been hyperventilating when he'd called her. Lenalee could remember perfectly- because that hysteria had hurt so much when she'd been able to understand him finally.

Kanda was missing. A large area north of the city had been nearly cleared by Akuma fire- the area that Kanda and Alma had been assigned this morning. Alma had met her at her house- her brother and Reever having already been in the basement, along with nearly all of the Science Department that might as well have lived there. Lavi and Bookman had showed up quickly. And Alma had told them what he knew, as the other Exorcists began to- once again- pour into her home, seeping up from the basement having heard about Kanda, or returning from their own near-by homes.

There were holes though that Alma seemed a bit embarrassed to fill. He'd asked Kanda to cover for him while he went to meet _a friend_, Kanda had agreed and after that Alma hadn't heard from him- that was at nearly ten this morning. Immediately a search party was assembled. The generals, Nine and Socalo, moving out to see what they could find- both with two other members- Timothy and Krory going with Klaud, while Miranda and Chaoji were drug behind Winters.

But Lenalee found herself noticing General Cross' oddly quiet disposition- his eyes watching Alma like a hawk. It was nearly concerning how closely he was watching the younger boy. But even that couldn't trump the terrible feeling in her gut that raged on.

That had raged on for… near eleven hours now.

The air was still tense- Kanda was still missing. And for a powerful Exorcist like Yuu Kanda to go down, the air _should_ be tense.

But it was still sickening- she was nearly convinced- that though one of her best friends was missing, had been missing for _eleven hours_- Lenalee was wanting to see _someone else_. To have that sickening tight feeling in her chest eased just a bit- by _him_. It was disconcerting how much that shady man had worked his way into her comfort zone. She dared say she even trusted him now…

But Lenalee forced her thoughts back forward- to the present, to what was most pressing at this moment.

Most of the Science Department had made their way back downstairs- to bury themselves in some work they'd been filling their day with easily so far. Komui, with Reever ever present at his side, along with Johnny Gill at the small computer next to them- keeping up contact with the people living in their basement- only remained upstairs.

Lavi was seated on the couch opposite the three Scientists, Alma next to him- the dark haired man's head still hung in guilt. But at least he'd stopped crying. And as Lenalee watched him. She took mental note of the other's around the house. Froi was upstairs, being consoled by Noise. Cross was across the room from her, eyes still watching Alma closely. Bookman had disappeared down stairs too, leaving only them- as the six others have taken off to actively look for Kanda. The four Exorcists and the three Science Department workers.

Oh, and that massive looming tension.

And then, a movement- two at the same time. Cross moved from the wall and began toward the kitchen door, just as Alma suddenly shivered, and mutter a small groan. "Uh, cold chill." And then Cross was frozen, in mid-step- and all eyes were on him.

The slowly, he turned, his eyes once again locking on Alma. "What," he muttered lowly, "What did you just say?" And it seemed no one- Alma included- could understand why he needed to repeat it.

Then- as if in a subtle sequence- a scream. Distant out the ground level windows around them. And all inside were alert.

"Komui, Reever, Johnny- downstairs," Cross grit out, pulling Judgment from the holster on his hip and the three moved quickly back though the back hall. Lavi and Alma both standing from the couch- pulled their own weapons to the ready. And all four were then watching the windows. Just enough for each of them.

And at such an alertness, they all jumped when the doorbell rang.

A moment of silence was broken with Cross' aggravated dispel of, "What the fuck- the enemy is using the front door?" Lenalee merely threw him a sharp look and began toward the entry. But halfway to the front door she was stopped, as the room was suddenly thrown into darkness, the mechanical clicks and whines of power appliances shutting down improperly one of the few noises that greeted their ears as they were plunged into a suddenly light difference.

But they all noticed that the light from the street lamps on the sidewalk just outside was still filtering through the window blinds.

"What the fuck," Cross was asking again, "This seems kinda random." And all three of them- Lenalee was sure- felt odd hearing Cross Marian sound confused. "Lenalee- go answer the door, we'll be right behind you."

She didn't know if that was supposed to comfort her, but with a sigh, Lenalee began toward the entryway again.

And looking at the silhouette against the door, she felt her heart hammer as her footsteps quickened. '_Kanda_?' She could hear Cross begin to say something but the door was already open by the time she could process the warning for her to wait. Because looking at that frame, the deep gray skin and the elongated elegant face they could all associate with this particular Noah- Lenalee felt her pulse quicken again.

"Hello," he began, as she noted the appropriate step back he took, as he lifted his hands- palms out in a 'I give' motion- and smiles. Though his smile was different from the deranged smile that she'd seen from other Noah. "My name is Cyril- the Noah of Desire. I _really_ need to speak with Alma Karma."

She could fell Alma bristle behind her, but he didn't move. But Cyril noticed too- his amber eyes moving from Lenalee directly in front of him to where the boy stood just behind her. But then Cyril was looking somewhere else- his eyes moving two more times before returning to a target behind her and taking it. "Oh," he spoke next, palms slowly following, "You're already here, Cross." Lenalee felt this an appropriate time to take another step back. "Good," he added, "Music was looking for you recently." She felt the confusion swimming at the forefront of her mind- along with Alma's and a bit of Lavi's. "But you understand, I'm sure- that things have come up."

"Things," she could here Cross grit out, "What kind of things?" Cyril seemed to smile a bit grimmer.

"Our First has begun to _go_." That made no sense. "Music is trying to stop him, but he's still from a different time- Music is still young now. Though," the taller man in front of her paused for a moment, his eyes roaming the two younger men next to the general, then moved to Lenalee who still stood in front of him. The silence drug on, as his yellow eyes looked down at her- read her. Then a firm grip was against her upper arm, pulling her back and in the same motion Cross moved himself forward.

"Where is Kanda," Cross was suddenly demanding- though his anger didn't seem directed at the gray-skinned Noah. And after a moment, Cyril sighed.

"That's why I'm here," he finished. Cross met his gaze easily as Lenalee took a moment to try and understand. "Music needs to talk to your Chief Inspector- among others." Cross seemed to find this odd- his eyes narrowing inquisitively. "Regarding quite a few things from what I understand, but obviously we're unable to enter here, unless we wish to declare war a bit close to _your _home right now. As, naturally, our side is unknown to The Order."

"He never cared about that before," Cross threw back instantly.

"It never mattered before," Cyril replied just as easily, and Cross seemed to have no rebuttal as the two simply watched each other. Then the red-head was sighing, taking a step backward and into the house.

"Karma, go tell Komui- Lenalee and Lavi, stay close. I still don't like you, 4th." Cyril didn't seem to mind that comment at all as he smiled and sighed a bit whimsically.

"Naturally. I wouldn't know how to feel if you did." Lenalee noticed the General twitch at that.

"You haven't changed a bit, ya creeper." Cyril actually giggled at that.

Alma then quickly began through the house, moving toward the stairs and then the lift. He wouldn't wait though, Lenalee knew, he'd just jump the side and when he reached the bottom of the shaft continue running again.

But Cyril moved at a much slower pace, Cross in front of him, Lavi and Lenalee behind him. Winding through the house, then down the stairs to the normal basement, and into the lift hidden in the back of the dank room. And it felt weird, that Cyril seemed to at ease- being led through the home of his enemy.

When the lift was about halfway down, Cross finally spoke. "Why now?" And Cyril's amber eyes opened slowly to appraise the man he seemed to already know.

"He wishes to retain his everything this time around." Cross' brow knit at that.

"_What_," he grit back, "That was one of the things I hated about you guys- you all talked in half-assed riddles." Lenalee and Lavi were both watching in mild confusion. Cyril sighed.

"You know, don't you Cross- that the incubation for The Musician is about thirty years." Cross didn't seem like he hadn't know. "But as with all of us Noah, that is lessened with hereditary passage." Now, Cross looked shocked- like he'd stuck his finger on the filament of a broken, plugged-in light bulb.

"No," he muttered and she could see Cyril's smile wane a bit.

"Yes."

**O0O**

Their retreat had been terrible.

Wisely still had a rather large incision in his chest, but was conscious once again. Joyd was only a bit worse for wear- as were Bondomu. Lustul now had a rather large hole in her torso, and was out for the count. Music was pretty sure he had a rather large concussion. Dreams was nursing a beat up shoulder- that was actually better than they'd expected. Desires pulled out the best, having been stitching his own wounds as he went. Even Kanda had a rather nice shiner and a few other miscellaneous bruises- though he knew they would be gone before long.

But. Skin was dead.

Tried to save Lustul from Mercym- killing both of them a the same time, and gaining Lustul only the hole in her body and pride… That Music wasn't sure she would be getting up from.

And now… The waiting.

It was a particularly rash decision that he'd made moments before they'd realized they needed to run. Kanda had mentioned General Cross was back at The Order. And Allen could remember that man- the same as Music. A teacher; a friend.

And so he'd sent Desires to The Order. To talk to Komui and Cross, and hopefully gain an ally. Or at least, an understanding. Kanda seemed to understand now even- Innocence can't kill Noah, merely kill the host, leaving the Memories to find a new one. But Noah, with the right intent can kill Noah; delaying the ability to find new hosts at least- leaving the opening for corruption to fester even worse, or to heal. Skin had managed to kill Mercym, the Earl had already killed Corrosion for kicks. Leaving for them Tryde, Mightra and the Earl himself.

Music fancied those odd.

And now, they were waiting. Dreams sitting behind him, as he head was propped on her knees, was working her fingers aimlessly through his hair. Kanda was seated on the bench of the large piano they sat atop of- just a bit away, though within reach. They were in the viewing room- a room that held a place for each of them. The large piano that was circular with a crescent shaped inlet in the floor where he would sit to play, as the strings fanned out through the floor and up the walls and would make the entire room sing when he played. The various places and seats made to suit each Noah's tastes.

Wisely sat on the platform closest to the ground, a large cushion under him as he waited. Dreams would usually take her seat on the plank swing that dangles just to the right of Wisely's platform. Joyd was just up from them, on a couch like platform that he was now sprawled across. Lustul lay motionless on the large round platform next upwards, but nearly opposite Joyd- the white leather-like bedding under her covered in her thick black blood that none of them present could stop, though they'd tried. It seemed like she wanted to die for now. Bondomu were sprawled across their own bed like platform that was wide like a bed, but had a back like a couch.

And they were still waiting, as Music scanned over their positions with his eyes closed for the millionth time maybe.

And then Dreams' fingers stilled in his hair. "Music, he's there." And he felt himself grin a bit.

"Alrighty then."

**O0O**

* * *

_My, my. Angst- It's a stresser._  
_So next I do believe is that (possibly anti-)climatic meeting between the 14th's faction of Noah and The Order._  
_More angst? Possilbly... I'm going to try and avoid it though. (Probably won't work.)_

_Anyway. Lemme hear ya think?_  
_And I did put out another Yullen- it's a bane right now, but I find it cute on occasion. (Kinda rhymed...) Goes by "_A-(Not So)-Sexual Man_", check it?_

_Later,_  
_-Aseru_


End file.
